• Top 5 ways to be productive on a long subway ride - by Rachel Eagle Reiter

  	Begin that first draft that you have stalling on for months.
  	Read your favorite magazine from cover to cover.
  	Make a list of all the friends and family that you are grateful for. Brainstorm ways in which you can show appreciation to the people who matter most in your life.
  	Meditate, but say your mantra only in your head or you will get the "you're crazy" look.
  	If you have elbow room, take out your needles and a couple balls of yarn.  Go ahead, get your knit on!

   

• Top 5 bits of conversation overheard on the subway at 3 a.m. - by Jim Mendrinos

	For a guy with such a huge head, he had such a small brain.
	If the damn train takes any longer we're gonna be part of the morning commute.
	They redid this station. It used to smell like dead rat and cabbage.
	Dude, I don't care what you say, that chick is a dude.
	You know it's late when there's nobody begging you for money.

• Top 5 requests for money on the subway - by Phenix Hall

	My baby just died, and I don’t have enough for the funeral so please help me.
	Ladies and gentlemen I have AIDS, and if you don’t give me money I will begin coughing and spitting at random.
	I need money to buy drugs. No joke.
	I’m dying and need money to enjoy my life one more time, please help.
	If you give me money I won’t have to stick up anybody tonight.

• Top 5 things I learned about myself on the subway - by Gisela Aydin

	If I could only remember to write down Dr. Zizmor's number, I too, could have beautiful, clear skin.
	I do NOT think every kid on the subway is "cute".  Actually, some of then are kinda ugly.  I know this makes me a bad person.
	I wish I was as hip as those kool kats hanging out with Captain Morgan.
	I am multi-lingual.  I can read, LEARN ENGLISH NOW! or DO YOU NEED A LAWYER? in five languages.
	I most certainly have Lupus.

• Top 5 books I should have reconsidered reading on the subway - by Janet Reid
  

	The Report of the 9/11 Commission (even in NYC, when you weep silently as you read the first chapter, people notice)
	Porno, by Irvine Welsch (no, I don't want to date you...or you...or you...or any of you)
	We Got Fired, by Harvey Mackay (nothing worse than the pitying look from a fur wrapped matron on the 6 train)
	Red Neck Manifesto, by Jim Goad
	Self Abuse, by Jonathan Self (which isn't about what you think it's about fella)

 
• Top 5 ways to know you're on an express train - by James Brady
  

	The train is not moving quickly.
	Those objects shooting by on your right are locals.
	When the homeless person appears in the center of the car and the doors close, you get to hear the whole spiel.
	A large part of the delay at every station is a confused passenger holding the door open and asking, "Is this the express?"
	You still stop at all the local stations--you just can't get off.

• Top 5 most obnoxious straphangers - by Christine Visich

	Clippers: People who clip their fingernails on the subway.
	Pole huggers: People who lean their whole body on the pole even though other riders are subway surfing.
	Straddlers: Men who block the seats on either side of them because their legs are spread wide apart.
	Rappers: People who use the subway and its riders as an audience for their non-existent hip-hop careers.
	Idlers: You rush to grab an empty seat, but some tourist or idiot is walking so slow in front of you that he blocks your target and someone else gets the seat.

• Top 5 things I have learned in the subway - by James Brady

	The term "express" is a euphemism.
	La via del tren subteraneo es peligrosa.
	It's time to train for an exciting new career.
	Those creatively-dressed pokes from Grand Forks will NEVER learn how to use a MetroCard.
	51st Street is not an express stop, dammit.

• Top 5 ways the subway is different from Bermuda - by James Brady
  

  	In Bermuda, all that water around you is supposed to be there.
  	In the subway, those men carrying your bags are not going to give them back.
  	Sleeping in Bermuda is done with both eyes closed and lying down.
  	In the subway, there is an atmospheric disturbance every day.
  	In Bermuda, the vacation begins when you arrive.

  
  
• Top 5 things running through my mind at 8:59 a.m. on the downtown "1" - by Andrew David
  

  	We both just raced through the doors before they closed on us- just because you got there first, did you have to plant yourself right there and block my entry onto the car?
  	Oh I'm sorry- are all the other people standing on this train getting in the way of your ability to completely unfold your newspaper?
  	Three words: ear hair trimmer.
  	If you're going to turn it up that high anyway, why even bother with the headphones?
  	If the apocolypse comes, and this group is trapped on this train, the exact rank and order of who I want to have end-of-the-world sex with.

  
  
• Top 5 holiday tips - by Ken Wheaton
  

  	When giving to beggars, use gift certificates and travelers checks instead of easy-to-lose and hard-to-replace cash.
  	Set up a tree and a menorah on your favorite platform. Preach the doctrine of Jews for Jesus.
  	Be sure to get on the trains extra early. Decorating a moving subway car is a bitch once rush-hour starts.
  	Every time a baby stroller is wheeled into a car, stand up, point and walk over while shouting: "Glory be to God, for unto us a child is born." Look down into the stroller and say: "Oh. Never mind. It ain't the one."
  	If you see a Santa on the subway, sit on his lap. That's what it's there for. *
  *	Incidentally, dressing up like Santa is the easiest way to cop a holiday feel.

  
  
• Top 5 derogatory comments uttered while trying random conversation starters - by Kurt Adam
  

  	"Are you drunk?"
  	"Shhh. I enjoy silence on the subway."
  	"It's really too early for this crap."
  	"I don't have any change."
  	"I have mace in my purse."

  
  
• Top 5 random conversation starters - by Kurt Adam
  

  	"So, what do you think the top speed of these puppies are?"
  	"Do you know where you can get some really good cream cheese?"
  	"You know I once rode from 72nd street to times square without holding on once! Unbelievable huh?"
  	"Can you believe the sheer audacity of these doors?! I mean its BING BONG...and then they simply close with reckless abandon!"
  	"We're like sardines in here! And I'll tell ya, the smell is quite similar as well! Well, not really fishy but not pleasant."

  
  
• Top 5 rules to be implemented by the MTA - by David Simms
  

  	No gum cracking, smacking, or popping, under pain of summary execution.
  	Do not attempt to sit in a seat gap smaller than the width of your own buttocks.
  	No children under 7 (ever).
  	No music headsets where the the lyrics are audible across the car.
  	Do not spread your legs beyond the extent of your own seat width.

  
  
• Top 5 guilty pleasures - by Scott Magri
  

  	The fragrance of aged urine emanating from the platform during a heat wave.
  	Jumping the turnstile when exiting the subway. It really confuses the undercover cop on duty.
  	Sitting across from someone and reading my, "Mugging For Dummies" book.
  	Getting a homeless man to make-out with me for just a buck.
  	When a strangers cell-phone rings I say to them, "If that's for me, I'm not here."

  
  
• Top 5 rules of the subway rider - by Erika Suban
  

  	Keep your eyes closed - no matter if you are sitting or standing.
  	Read anything you can find, it could be a newspaper in any language or a book, the Bible or what the person next to you is reading.
  	Carry as many bags as you can, plants are welcomes, bicycles and pieces of furniture.
  	Don't follow the signs: if you read on the platform floor to stay behind the yellow line you should step on it to better see if the train is coming; if there is a sign on the train door that says that you shouldn't open it, you might want to see if there is a seat on the following train and just go there while the subway is moving; if you read that you should eat or drink on the train, suddenly you remember having a sandwich and a soda in your bag.
  	Make yourself at home, feel free to sleep, eat, drink, put on some make up and change your shoes, nobody would notice it: they are following rule number 1.

  
  
• Top 5 sounds on the subway - by Mena
  

  	The sound of the steel drums melding into those of the jazz band as you descend the escalator.
  	The sound of the kissing couple seated next to you.
  	The sound of "thank you" as you move just an inch or two to let someone pass.
  	The sound of laughter from the baby playing with her brother half a car away.
  	The sound of the announcement of your stop on a Thursday night at ten after a grueling week at work. You are home.

  
  
• Top 5 reasons to ride the subway, even if you won't be able to afford it - by Zoltan B.
  

  	Nobody bothers you anymore if you jump the turnstile.
  	Mayor Bloomberg takes the 6 train...maybe you can hit him up for a job.
  	Speaking of work, just wear a decent suit and carry business cards from line to line, asking well-dressed strangers if they are hiring.
  	Dating possibilities are limitless and most of your prospects are every bit as hard-up as you.
  	If you can't spare $1.75 you can forget about driving anyway....

  
  
• Top 5 ways to ruin an Upper East Sider's Day - by Cara Grider
  

  	Don't brush your teeth before getting on the 6 train at 8:49 a.m.
  	Try to 'subway surf' in your new Manolo Blahniks during that curve between the Grand Central stop and the 51st Street stop at any time,on the 6 train.
  	Carry a big bag on your back and don't take extra care to "stand clear of closing doors" on the 6 train at 8:49 a.m.
  	Take a running start and dive head first into a 6 train at 8:49 a.m.
  	Try to have a conversation on the 6 train at 8:49 a.m.

  
  
• Top 5 subway movies - by Garrett Chaffin-Quiray
  

  	The Yards (2000) dir: James Gray In the rail yards of Queens, contractors repair and rebuild subway cars for lucrative contracts where corruption is rife. When Leo Handler (Mark Whalberg) is paroled, he begins working for Frank Olchin (James Caan), one of the contractors battling minority-owned firms for jobs. Thusly, Leo becomes the strong man in a sabotage operation headed by Leo's best friend Willie Gutierrez (Joaquin Phoenix) that's intended to ruin a Puerto Rican-owned rival. Things go badly and Leo becomes persona non grata. Aside from his cousin Erica (Charlize Theron), to whom can he turn for help? With Ellen Burstyn, Faye Dunaway and Tony Musante.
  	Mimic (1997) dir: Guillermo del Toro A disease begins killing children in Manhattan. Our hero, Peter Mann (Jeremy Northam), asks etymologist Dr. Susan Tyler (Mira Sorvino) if she can eradicate the disease carrier, the cockroach. Susan engineers a predatory species of insect to exterminate roaches and then die and, at first, her solution works until three years later when people start disappearing. Rumors pop up about giant insects mimicking human behavior in the subway's dark entrails so Peter and Susan are forced to investigate. With Giancarlo Giannini, Charles Dutton, Josh Brolin and F. Murray Abraham.
  	Money Train (1995) dir: Joseph Rubin Two foster brothers, Charlie (Woody Harrelson) and John (Wesley Snipes), work as transit cops. Though John is stable, Charlie is out of control with gambling debts so when he loses his job he's forced to find a quick buck. Enter a crackpot scheme to steal the "money train" carrying the subway system's weekly revenue. Naturally there are complications. With Jennifer Lopez, Robert Blake and Chris Cooper.
  	The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974) dir: Joseph Sargent Four armed men hijack a New York subway and demand $1,000,000 delivered in one hour for the safe return of the train and hostages. Lt. Zachary Garber (Walter Matthau) of the transit police steps in to end the hijacking but is forced to deal with City Hall and the demands of the hijackers. With Robert Shaw, Martin Balsam and Hector Elizondo.
  	The Incident (1967) dir: Larry Peerce Two petty criminals, Artie (Martin Sheen) and Joe (Tony Musante), terrorize passengers on a New York subway. Although outnumbered, they take advantage of the passengers' passivity as we watch the subway riders react to a wholly unpleasant situation. With Beau Bridges, Ruby Dee, Ed McMahon, Donna Mills and Thelma Ritter.
  And from abroad, two subway-related gems worth remembering: Quatermass and the Pit (1967) dir: Roy Ward Baker (UK) Workers excavating an underground station in London uncover the skeletal remains of ancient apes. Further digging reveals an unexploded German bomb from World War II until a missile expert, Colonel Breen (Julian Glover), is brought in to investigate, along with Professor Bernard Quatermass (Andrew Keir). Opening the missile, a creature is found and determined to be a Martian, the community of which altered our simian ancestors and laid claim to Earth. When Quatermass's suspicion that the Martian will reactivate dormant evil in all humanity is confirmed, hell breaks loose in London. Subway (aka Le Metro) (1985) dir: Luc Besson (France) Fred (Christopher Lambert), a safe blower, takes refuge in the Paris Metro after being chased by the cronies of a man from whom he's stolen documents. While hiding underground, Fred encounters a society of eccentrics and criminals, falls for Helena (Isabelle Adjani), blows a safe, robs a train, evades the Metro police and starts a rock band, all while invading his original pursuers.