Int. – Metropolitan Museum of Art – Day

Ralph spots a lost soul, a woman who’s maybe wandered into the Met with the great hope of escaping her tattered life, of discovering her raison d'être, of maybe finding herself, or at least a good wall calendar.

 Hello???? Raison wha?

We’re not getting the reference. Is this a new breakfast cereal? Please explain.

Also: In the dialogue below, where you have the two straphangers on their way to work, don’t you think we need to indicate which war and which president they’re talking about? Or will most people just know?

 

Straphanger #1

My point exactly. Because

our so-called “president”

is about as swift as the

Lexington Avenue local train.

 

Straphanger #2

(laughing)

I heard somewhere that he

created his war strategy

by copying the instructions

from the back of a WetNap:

1. Tear open. 2. Use 3. Discard

 

Next: The homeless guy who appears in Act II on the L Train. JJ feels it won’t be clear to those who haven’t experienced the subway firsthand why the other passengers are switching to a different car. Remember: Our target aud includes lots of zitcom viewers. He suggests adding some background dialogue along these lines:

Passenger #1

(holding nose)

Peee-uuu

  

Your thoughts?

Then in Act I, Scene 13, where you have the Arab dude giving up his seat for the elderly Hasidic woman (my personal fave, btw), would you mind if JJ had the Hasid refer to her higher power as Ha-shem ? The term “God” is just so passé since the whole Madonna/Esther thing launched.  

Regarding the role of the conductor: I had this brilliant idea that we get an actual conductor to play the part. I’m talking like an orchestra conductor. If we could get a household name—you know, someone like Leonard Bernstein (only not dead), the buzz would be fabulous!  Alright if we mention to the exex? 

And p.s., while we’re on the subject of casting, I overheard this through the door of last week’s development meeting:

Producer A: “Hey, maybe we can work J-Lo into the show during sweeps week?”

Prodcuer B: “Right on A. Maybe have her make a big caboose joke or something.”  

I know, pretty lame—especially because there’s no caboose on a subway train, right? But sometimes writers have to cowtown to the top tier. Believe me, you get used to it out here. 

Okay, a few more things:  

JJ wonders what you think of giving the motorman character superhero powers? You know, in the way that Aquaman can breathe underwater and Superman has X-Ray vision, maybe Motorman can put out track fires by blowing liquid nitrogen on them. Or perhaps he can drive the subway in reverse? 

Think about it and try to get back to us before the end of the day. With the current trend of comic book heroes as movie stars, it might boost our Nielsen ratings a ton. 

Last: In Act III, just before the token clerk, Marquissa, throws herself in front of the C Train (btw: not sure if you saw the Bernard Rose movie that came out in ‘97 called Anna Karenina, but he does something similar there) you have that angry rant where she goes on and on about her sonuvabitch-cheating husband, her skirt-chasing boss, the male token clerk who got a larger Christmas bonus than she did, and the Hispanic thug who’s always spraying obscene graffiti in her station.  

JJ’s feeling—and the director agrees—is that the scene would be a lot stronger if we cut the monologue completely. Just have her wear her “MEN SUCK” T-shirt here instead of in Act II, Scene 16 when she attends the Transit Workers Union meeting. This way she comes onto the platform wearing the T-shirt and whamo! Lights out.  

Much stronger that way, don’t you agree? As they used to say in that Kodak commercial: “A picture is worth a thousand words.”  

Awaiting your reply,

 

Jack (the repper)

 

David Israel’s first novel, Behind Everyman will be published by Random House in January 2005. It has also been bought by Rizzoli for Italian publication. In addition to novels, essays, and short stories, Israel has written many original TV pilots and a one-act play entitled, The Faithful, which was produced by The 92nd Street Y in 2002. As a composer, he’s had numerous commissions from groups as far ranging as Twyla Tharp Dance, Paul Taylor Dance Company, and the American Symphony Orchestra.  His music has been performed extensively throughout the U.S and in a dozen countries worldwide.  He's performed his solo rock and roll music at venues as diverse as Lincoln Center and CBGBs in NYC. At the young age of twenty-three, he was hired by Leonard Bernstein’s children to complete, edit and publish the late composer’s works—a job he did for five years. Among others, David completed and published definitive editions of, West Side Story, Mass, On the Town, and Wonderful Town. He is currently at work on his second novel. More available on the official website: www.davidisrael.net.