"...in the three weeks since he has been in office, Mr. Bloomberg says, he has taken the subway to work all but one day, with little fanfare or attention, generally only in the company of two large men with curly wires going into their ears and a couple of hundred other citizens of his city who have crammed themselves into his car on the Lexington line." - The New York Times, Tuesday, January 22, 2002

TIMELINE: The Mayor's Commute

8:07AM: Purchases Metrocard
8:08AM: Purchases MTA
8:11AM: Aides drop rose petals in his path
8:16AM: Boards downtown Number 6 train
8:24AM: Gives up seat to pregnant woman
8:25AM: Remarks about how funny it is that he's a billionaire to pregnant woman
8:29AM: Overpowering scent of urine shorts out bodyguard's earpiece
8:31AM: Remarks about how funny it is that he's a billionaire to Hispanic man
8:32AM: Takes down number for Dr. Z, makes mental note to call about varicose vein removal 8:37AM: Cups shapely ass
8:38AM: Seals deal for repackaged batteries with Korean entrepreneur
8:40AM: Remarks about how funny it is that he's a billionaire to owner of shapely ass
8:42AM: Disembarks train at City Hall station
8:45AM: Averts eyes from disheveled psychopath, remarks about how funny it is that he's a billionaire to self

Chris Kaye currently writes for Esquire and FINE magazines and has written for McSweeney's, Us Weekly.